If it hadn't been for my friend Serena (whose blog The Bipolar Bible is an excellent read), I probably would still, as of today, be without insurance....
She showed me that taking government help is nothing to be ashamed of....
She helped me to ask myself honestly why I didn't want to get Medicaid, and after taking a hard look in the mirror, I realized that it was my pride that was holding me back.
Feeling like if I took the help, it meant I had failed somehow. Because of my pride, I was digging a deep hole of dept that was not only pulling me down, but the rest of my family as well, and when I faced that, I knew I had no other choice.
Admitting that I need help is a difficult thing for me to do....
I've always been a loner, keeping my personal life very close to my chest, and if I had a problem, I HAD to fix it myself. But over the years I've learned to let go of my need to control things. The world isn't gonna end if my day doesn't go as planed, or if I need help....
It's funny but having Fibromyalgia has been a blessing in disguise in that it made me have to ask for help whether I liked it or not. I've had to rely on the people around me for help and I had to trust that if I was open about what was going on, that they would understand why I needed that help.
Granted...I lost some people along the way. People I was close to who for whatever reason couldn't be there for me. But they just showed me how truly special the ones who stuck around are.
So now I'm a card carrying Medicaid member, but with that comes some problems....
I've had to go through my Rolodex of doctors to see who takes Medicaid, and guess what...
Most of them don't!
I did however find out that my Rheumatologist takes a Medicaid supplemental insurance called Healthfirst, so I sighed up with them, that way I can continue to see the one doctor who diagnosed and is treating my condition.
But here's the snag....
In order to see her, I have to get a referral from my primary doctor, that I don't have cause my primary doesn't take either Medicaid or Healthfirst...
Woopty Do!!
So now I have to find another primary doctor, make an appointment, catch them up on everything that's been happening to me in the last 2 1/2 years, hope they're not only smart, but quick and can think outside the box, then get a referral, and finally go see my Rheumatologist who I was supposed to see months ago for my followup visit...
At this point...I have yet to find a good Primary doctor...
