Hope on the Horizon...

I couldn't agree more with the picture on the right, but I am beginning to waver in my conviction.

On the 9th I saw my new "Health First Approved" general practitioner, and I'm surprisingly optimistic about the future.

The office is located in a hospital, so as one would expect, it was very busy. Full of people who have landed on hard times for one reason or another, mostly lower middle class people of ethnic backgrounds or elderly. Basically hardworking people who can't afford medical insurance on there pittance of a salary. But scattered among the crowd, more then I've ever seen before, were those few who this was a completely new experience, who once had money but now had to rely on government aid.
You could tell who they were because they were the most uncomfortable, the most unhappy about having to be there, and had a tendency to be rather rude.

Though the place was busy the staff were amazing. They moved like a well oiled machine. Everyone knew there job and did there job without complaint, all the while being polite and friendly. But I got to say, the nurses were my favorite part of my visit.
Women who are hard working, experienced, abrupt but friendly, yet don't take any crap.
My kind of nurses.
Maybe not the most professional, especially when the one who calls people to the back makes jokes about if you don't hurry shes gonna leave you behind, but you could tell there was no malice to it.
They took my blood with experienced steady hands, and though I may have felt rushed, I never felt neglected.

As for my new doctor, Dr. Blank, though very business like, and a bit overwhelmed with all the medical info I had to give her, never made me feel like a child, like I was less then or beneath her in class. Doctors have a tendency to display a classic arrogance of position, and not once did I get that from her.
She listened to everything I had to say and spoke to me like I was an intelligent human being, never belittling any of my concerns, and suggesting avenues to move forward with aspects of my health that had yet to be addressed.
When we got to talking about my Fibromyalgia, she never made me feel like she didn't believe me, even suggesting physical therapy which is something I've been trying to get for over 2 years now. She even paid attention to the little things like asking me about my exercise routine, what I'm doing, and giving me some tips and advice to help me with some problems I've been having.

So I hate to say this, cause I'm afraid it's gonna come back to bite me in the ass, but I think I might have found a good doctor. Go figure I had to go through all this shit, all the bad doctors and insurance issues in order to find a doctor that can actually help me.

I'm beginning to feel HOPE bloom in my chest, and it's scaring the shit out if me....lol

(1st photo by IrethWaverly, 2nd photo by girly-girl-graphics, both provided by Photobucket and directly linked)

Medicaid, Heath Plans, Doctors....Oh MY!!!

So since my insurance did a last minuet disappearing act (probably due to some cooked books), I was left with no other choice then Medicaid....

If it hadn't been for my friend Serena (whose blog The Bipolar Bible is an excellent read), I probably would still, as of today, be without insurance....

She showed me that taking government help is nothing to be ashamed of....
She helped me to ask myself honestly why I didn't want to get Medicaid, and after taking a hard look in the mirror, I realized that it was my pride that was holding me back.
Feeling like if I took the help, it meant I had failed somehow. Because of my pride, I was digging a deep hole of dept that was not only pulling me down, but the rest of my family as well, and when I faced that, I knew I had no other choice.

Admitting that I need help is a difficult thing for me to do....
I've always been a loner, keeping my personal life very close to my chest, and if I had a problem, I HAD to fix it myself. But over the years I've learned to let go of my need to control things. The world isn't gonna end if my day doesn't go as planed, or if I need help....

It's funny but having Fibromyalgia has been a blessing in disguise in that it made me have to ask for help whether I liked it or not. I've had to rely on the people around me for help and I had to trust that if I was open about what was going on, that they would understand why I needed that help.
Granted...I lost some people along the way. People I was close to who for whatever reason couldn't be there for me. But they just showed me how truly special the ones who stuck around are.

So now I'm a card carrying Medicaid member, but with that comes some problems....
I've had to go through my Rolodex of doctors to see who takes Medicaid, and guess what...
Most of them don't!
I did however find out that my Rheumatologist takes a Medicaid supplemental insurance called Healthfirst, so I sighed up with them, that way I can continue to see the one doctor who diagnosed and is treating my condition.
But here's the snag....
In order to see her, I have to get a referral from my primary doctor, that I don't have cause my primary doesn't take either Medicaid or Healthfirst...

Woopty Do!!

So now I have to find another primary doctor, make an appointment, catch them up on everything that's been happening to me in the last 2 1/2 years, hope they're not only smart, but quick and can think outside the box, then get a referral, and finally go see my Rheumatologist who I was supposed to see months ago for my followup visit...

At this point...I have yet to find a good Primary doctor...