All this time not much has changed except some tweaking of my medication which is why I haven't blogged in awhile. But now I've started experiencing some new symptoms I frankly don't know what to do with.
First it started off with flashes of light. Best way I can describe it is like in a cartoon when someone gets hit in the head and they see stars, except it happens sometimes when I stand up or bend over and is accompanied by dizziness.
Then there was the trouble sleeping. For nights I hadn't been able to sleep. I just thought I needed to take my evening meds eariler but even after changing the time\I still am having trouble sleeping.
Later and more subtle was the fatigue. I would do something simple like go up steps or a hill and it would be an effort. Unlike the fatigue before this isn't constant. Sometimes it happens and other times I'm fine. I can go up the same hill two days in a row and one day it's easy while the next I'm weak and breathing heavy. But that took me awhile to notice cause again it isn't consistent and I'd chuck it up to not sleeping well the night before or possibly coming down with a cold.
Then for the last two and a half weeks I've had a constant headache. I mean non-stop always there headache ranging from a 2 (mild background annoyance) to an 8 (borderline migraine). The pain seems to always be centered around my temples and the back of my neck. When the pains bad so is the pain in my neck.
But the most scary symptom happened two weekends ago....
I had woken up at 3am to use the bathroom when I felt my headache flare. As I was sitting on the toilet I suddenly felt dizzy and nauseous that quickly grew worse at an alarming rate. Luckily my mother was there so I was able to call to her when I felt like I was about pass out. I don't remember much after that except suddenly feeling my strength leave me as my body went limp, my mother being the only thing holding me up. I remember sweating a lot and my mother was yelling at me to open my eyes but all I could do was moan, I couldn't form words. I knew I was coming out of it when I was able to talk again. Once I got a bit of my strength back she was then able to change my shirt which I had completely sweated through and helped me walk to the living room where she sat me next to an open window. It didn't pass quickly and as I was gaining back control of my limbs the weakness I felt was replaced by severe body pain. As if my headache had spread throughout my body. I kept feeling like it was gonna happen again, like I a strong current were trying to pull me under, but I fought it and finally I was myself enough to get me back into my bed.
It wasn't till the next day I found out how close I'd come to going to the hospital.
Turns out when she found me I was white as a sheet, my lips pale, and when she tried to take my pulse she had a hard time finding it. This is a woman who has worked in the hospital for over 40 years, if she can't get a pulse then u know it's bad. When I started to come out of it she was finally able to get a pulse and it was 75bpm.
Since that day I've had moments of feeling like it's gonna happen again and I'm scared. I'll be fine and all of a sudden my headache will flare and I'll get nauseous and dizzy, but it only lasts a moment then passes. I afraid its going to happen while I'm in the street or traveling by myself.
On Monday I saw my general doctor and when I told her about what happened, she took blood, ran an EKG which only showed that my pulse is a bit fast, and ordered an MRI. She's worried that I had some kind of seizure and she said if it ever happens again I'm to go straight to the hospital.
I don't know what I was expecting when I told her, but her reaction scared me even more then I already was. I broke down when I finally got home.
I'm so tired of this shit!! I'm so tired of something being wrong with me!!
Now I got to worry about something else on top of everything I'm already dealing with and its the not knowing that kills me. Its the not knowing what's wrong, what triggers it, what I can do to stop it.
I can deal with a lot of things...God knows I already have...but its when something happens and I can't get a hold of it. I can't grasp it or direct it in some way that I truly get scared.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to have my MRI so we'll see how this goes, but due to the headaches I may not blog about it for awhile.
I'll try to update my blog the next time I have a semi-pain freeday, which at this point is all I'm asking for....
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